Heart without a Beat
by CMLeoLover
Summary: When JJ is diagnosed with terminal cancer her whole world comes crashing down with Will and the team at her side.
1. Chapter 1

_It all started like a normal day, that was all you could describe it as, normal_.

You took in your appearance in the mirror after dragging yourself out of bed when your alarm took you from your world of dreams to remind you of your doctors appointment. You had bags beneath your tired eyes and your pyjamas hung on your tiny frame.

You put your hands on your waist and could feel your hip bones protruding through your bruised skin. Your fingers lightly traced over the purple which covered your body. You could count all your ribs. All twenty four. Your hand ran through your blonde hair. At least one thing stayed the same. Your golden curls draped over your shoulders and you reminded yourself to get it cut soon.

You grabbed your sweats and a baggy hoodie. It was the only thing that you felt comfortable in. And as you turn to look in the mirror to brush your knotted hair you see something that makes you freeze in shock. Drops of crimson fell from your nose in a pattern that unnerves you.

_Drip, drip, drip_.

When the bleeding subsided you bring yourself to walk into the kitchen to see your husband and son. You see Will making pancakes while Henry talked with his motor mouth about what he was going to do today. You smile at the scene in front of you before you catch Will's eye. He smiles at you before sliding a plate with two pancakes. You go to take a piece but your stomach disagrees and you find yourself running for the bathroom before emptying your stomach contents.

Will holds your hair back as you continue to dry heave. You look up at him before you slide down the bathroom wall. The cold tiles against your burning skin feels refreshing. Will sits beside you rubbing your forearm, not saying a word and for that you are thankful.

An hour later sees you in the colourful waiting room of the clinic. You had blood tests a week before and now the wait to see what they found scares you. Henry sat cross legged playing with the abacus in the middle of the colourful room.

You were the only people in the waiting room on that Monday morning. You managed to get a week off work as no case crossed your desk which needed attention. You could probably hear a pin drop in the silent room and the only noise you could hear was the sliding of the beads as the six year old moved them back and forth.

"Jennifer Jareau?"

The sound of your name grabs your attention and you look up to see Dr. Green standing in the doorway with a clipboard in one hand. You and Will stand and he takes Henry's hand and you walked into the doctor's office.

Greetings are exchanged between Will and Dr. Green whom have known since you were small before you took your seats beside the computer.

"Jen, I've called you in here to tell you that your white blood count is extremely high,"

You take a sharp in take of breath and tears pooled in your dulled baby blues, you knew what that meant without being told but you found yourself waiting to hear it for yourself.

"You have stage four leukaemia, Jen...cancer."

And that did it, the flood gates opened

And you began to drown.

_It all started like a normal day, that was all you could describe it as, normal_.


	2. Chapter 2

You drowned out the doctors words as you tried to comprehend what you have just been told. You had cancer. You are seriously ill.

_You could die, _

Be taken off this earth away from Will and Henry and that is worse then the disease itself. You think about your little boy. How are you going to explain this to him?You watch as he looks over at the scene from the corner of the room as he plays with a bouncy ball he found.

Tears flowed down your cheeks as you asked yourself the question, why you? You knew it was a horrible thought but you wished it was someone else, not you. You wished some other innocent person could have this happen to them, to their _family_.

You hear about people dying from cancer but you would say "that's terrible" and move on. Not a backwards glance. Never once did you think that it would happen to you. And you think that people could be reading about you someday and say the exact same thing that you did.

You couldn't make out the words of the doctor, who was now crying as don't know why but you could only assume it was about treatment. Zoning out was best. Will could tell you later, when you could concentrate. Right now your vision was a blur as tears now flowed freely from your tired eyes.

You think about how your hair will be gone, how you'll lose weight and constantly feel sick to your stomach. Thoughts swim around in your head, you feel like you are going to pass out and you can't stop it.

A sob escapes your lips as you think about telling the team. You wouldn't be able to bring yourself to tell them. It would cause them too much worry. You feel someone rubbing your back as you choked out the sobs that racked your tiny frame. You want to move forward and accept it but something is stopping you.

You turn your head to look at Will and realise that he is crying too. He looks at you with nothing but love and gives you a nod as if to tell you "we will get through this."

You both ignored Dr. Green as he leaned in to hug you and whispered comforting words in your ear and tangled his hands in your blonde hair.

You wanted everything back you normal but you knew that would not happen any time soon. Once again you hoped it was a dream, you even attempted pinching yourself but it was only met with pain. You wished it was a nightmare, that you would wake up in your bed beside Will, with Henry in the room across the hall. You wished everything was ok.

You thought nothing could get any worse. But you were proved wrong when you heard those three words, those single three words that would send your world crashing down.

"Six months left."

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**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Hey guys it would mean so much if anyone who reads this could leave a review, please spread the word about this story!**

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**_"When time seems to be running out... Just remember to stop what you're doing and just breathe." - Anahi Sanchez._**

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The second you went through the front door after a silent car drive was run up the stairs and slam your bedroom door. You could barely breath. You choked on sobs and coughed as you tried to regulate your breathing. You began to tug at your hair from the roots. Your life was slipping your fingers and you couldn't stop it, you could do absolutely nothing.

_Nothing._

You slid down the bedroom door and hugged your knees to your chest while you rocked back and forth. The pounding in your head worsened with each movement you made. A knock at the door felt like a kick to your head and the only thing you could do was whimper.

"Cher?" Will's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Please...come out," his voice cracked.

A strangled cry escaped your mouth and you moved out of the doorway so Will could come in. He opened the door slowly and looked around briefly before he saw you to the left of the door frame. You continued to rock back and forth and avert his gaze.

"Oh Jayje," his voice was nothing more than a whisper and sounded like he had just been crying.

He knelt down beside you and pulled you into a hug. His hands played with your blonde curls and he looked into your blood shot baby blue eyes that he was going to miss. Your lower lip quivered and you tried so hard not to cry as a stray tear trailed down your flushed cheek. Will brushed it away with the pad of his thumb and leant in and kissed you.

As you parted you let out a small whimper, from the doorway you could see Henry playing with his toys on his bedroom floor. You wouldn't get to see him grow up and you would miss all the little moments that were still to be seen like his first girlfriend, his graduation, first day at college, marriage, first grand child. Henry would grow up without his mom. You knew how hard it was to grow up without a dad _and a sister._

You thought about Rosalyn. You would soon be reunited but you thought it would be much later in your life.

Will sat with his back to the door after he closed it and you leaned back against his chest.

"I love you so much Jay." He swallowed a lump in his throat before he kissed your forehead.

Your pounding headache worsened every time you thought about life without your boys. You loved them so much it hurt. You bit your lip to stop the cries that threatened to come out.

_You wanted to scream. _

You turned around in Will's hold and kissed him again. You put your arms around his neck and his hands went to your waist. Tears continued to fall and you had to remind yourself that this would not last. In a few short months you would be gone.

_ Gone. _

You pulled away from Will and buried your face in the crook of his neck as he continued to rub circles on your back.

"W...Will."

"Yeah Jay?" he answered looking in to your pain filled eyes.

"I don't want to die."

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_**"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is a destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it." - Steve Jobs.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Tears.

There was no end to the amount of tears.

You lost count to the amount that fell from your blood shot, tired eyes as you lay resting against Will's chest.

You meant what you said. You wanted to live. Oh God you so wanted to survive, but instead you just had to wait until the moment you lost your losing battle. The second your heart stopped beating. When you slipped into a never-ending sleep.

You turned your head to the sound of the door opening to reveal Henry. You realised it was way past his bedtime.

"Hey monkey," you croaked. You were surprised at how weak your voice sounded after going so long without speaking. You licked your dry lips and then opened your arms and pulled him into your embrace before tickling him.

Henry immediately burst into a fit of giggles and began wriggling in your hold. You felt Will laugh from behind you before he joined you in tickling your son.

"M..mommy, Daddy...s...stop!" Henry shouted between giggles.

"What's the magic word?" Will said as he continued poking Henry who was now rolling around the floor trying to escape.

"P...please!"

"Nope, it's pickles but you were pretty close." You joked as you released him from your hold.

"Silly mommy!" Your son laughed.

Before you could respond you felt something soft hit your head. Spinning around you see Will with a mischievous grin on his face. Picking up the pillow you flung it back at him and when it hit him in the stomach you ducked behind the bed and dragged Henry with you.

It turned into you and Henry versus Will in a pillow fight. The room erupted in laughter as pillows flew through the air at their chosen targets and often knocking them off their feet and in Henry's case knocking the lamp off the bed side table.

Henry at some point during the game switched to Will's team in an act of treason. You were surely going to annoy the neighbours but you didn't give a damn.

You grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room where it hit Henry's belly sending him on the floor in a belly flop. You paused to see if he was ok but continued when you saw his body shaking with laughter.

You then sent the last remaining pillow in Will's direction sending him on his knees beside Henry.

"I'm the winner woo woo!" You shouted as you spun around in victory.

You held your sides as you continued to giggle uncontrollably before flopping on the floor beside your boys who remained rolling on the floor at your victory dance.

You glanced at the clock to see it was midnight.

"Bedtime monkey," you said as you brought yourself to your feet and lifted the six year old from his position on the floor. He still hadn't stopped laughing.

One look at him and your face broke into a smile. You tucked him into bed when he finally calmed down and read him _Baby Star_ which was still his favourite book before rejoining Will.

You couldn't wipe the smile off of your face after the chaos that ensued that night.

Will wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to his body until your lips crashed. When you pulled apart tears were steaming down your face.

"Jay-" he started but you put up your hand to stop him.

"It's ok," you smiled. You brushed your lips off of his, feeling him smile against your touch.

"They're happy tears."

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**_"If I can see pain in your eyes then share with me your tears. If I can see joy in your eyes then share with me your smile." - Santosh Kalwar_**

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Bit of a lighter chapter for you guys! Please review :)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **\- Sorry for such a long wait for such a short chapter but **please read and please review! I need some ideas so don't hesitate to tell me any, writers block is killing me haha.**

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It was two weeks since you found out you were dying. Two _very_ long weeks. You still had not brought yourself to go into work, let alone tell the team. You were getting constant text messages from all of them asking about you. You picked up your flashing phone from your locker and began to scroll through the unread messages.

_Garcia : Sugarplum how are you? Why aren't you here?! Call me!_

_Rossi : Hope you are feeling better cara, see you soon. _

_Emily : Jay why aren't you here? I can't handle Reid and Morgan without you here! Text me x_

_Spence : JJ how are you feeling? It's been a while since you've come in, hope to see you soon, Spence._

_Morgan : Jayje where are you? Hope you're in soon._

_Hotch : Are you ok? Don't hesitate to call._

_Garcia : Angelfish if you don't get your ass in here I'm coming over!_

Your eyes went wide as you read the last message from Penelope. _She couldn't come over! Not now! _But you knew that it was probably an empty threat. You were interrupted from your thoughts by Will wrapping his arms around you from behind.

You smiled and leaned into him.

"Good morning Cher," he drawled as he gave you a peck on the lips.

"You too, the team are going crazy, I swear I can't leave them alone for more than a day!" You joked and felt Will chuckle from behind you.

You stood there in a comfortable silence but were soon interrupted from your thoughts once again by the sound of the door bell.

"I'll get it!" You heard Henry shout and before you knew it Will ran out from behind you to race to get to the door before the six year old.

You decided to get changed while Will talked to whoever was at the door. You slowly walked over to get your sweats and hoodie from the wardrobe before putting them on. As you were brushing out your hair you turned your attention to the person you could hear talking to Will.

The voice sounded oddly familiar from your bedroom but you couldn't quite pick up on what they were saying or who was talking. You quickly finished your hair and tied it in a ponytail before exiting your bedroom.

You could smell French toast as you walked down the stairs to the kitchen but just as you were about to round the corner to the front door you froze. You told yourself to breath. This was bad. You were not ready to tell anyone. You kept listening and then you knew who was standing on the other side of that door.

_Garcia._

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**_"There are no secrets that time does not reveal." - Jean Racine_**


	6. Chapter 6

_Previously:_

_You could smell French toast as you walked down the stairs to the kitchen but just as you were about to round the corner to the front door you froze. You told yourself to breath. This was bad. You were not ready to tell anyone. You kept listening and then you knew who was standing on the other side of that door._

_Garcia._

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You suddenly went into panic mode. How are you going to tell your best friend that in less than six months you'll be gone? You stayed hidden behind the wall as you contemplated your choices.

One, you could not tell her anything and wait to tell the whole team.

Two, you could tell her everything and tell her about the end of the road which was coming pretty fast.

Three -

"Angel when were you going to tell me?" You spun around to see Garcia standing there. Her eyes showed pain and sympathy and her words were laced with hurt. That's when you realised that she had looked into your medical records and found out about your diagnoses.

Tears began to well up in your eyes and before you could tell her anything she pulled you into a hug.

"I-I didn't know how." You sobbed onto her shoulder and felt another pair of arms wrap around you from behind and you realised it was Will. Sobs wracked your tiny frame and that made your husband and best friend hold on tighter.

Garcia's shirt was now soaked with tears but neither of you cared. You stood in the hallway for what felt like hours and you felt both Will and Penelope's bodies shake as they cried for the fate that was sprung upon you.

After a few minutes both pulled away to look at you.

"Sugarplum, you do know that you are going to have to tell the rest of the team sooner or later don't you?" Garcia said in a calm tone.

"...Yeah. I might go in today, will both of you come with me?" You whispered while making sure to make eye contact with both of them.

"Of course Cher." Will drawled and leaned in and pressed a kiss to your temple.

"Sure thing sugar." Garcia said less enthusiastically than she normally would, but due to the circumstances, you couldn't blame her.

You arrived at the BAU shortly after leaving your home and you could feel your chest tighten because you were so scared to how they would react.

You entered the building slowly. Will had his hand on the small of your back and Penelope had linked hands with you somewhere along the way. As you stepped off of the elevator you could see Hotch and Rossi talking in Hotch's office. Spence, Emily and Morgan were sitting on the desks which made up the bullpen. They all looked up and they gasped as they saw what you looked like. The weight you lost and the bruises were extremely noticeable. It took all of your courage to not run out of there.

You walked slowly and offered them a half-hearted smile. You asked Penelope to set up the conference room and you and Will followed her up the stairs to the conference room.

You waited for everyone to arrive before starting. Will rubbed your back in a soothing manner with his hand and Garcia stood on the other side of you.

"...um...I..I.." You cursed yourself as more tears formed in your tired eyes. Will whispered reassuring words in your ear as you began to cry. The concerned looks of your team mates brought more tears to your eyes.

"I..I was diagnosed with l..leukaemia two weeks ago,"You said in a voice just above a whisper.

The reactions on the teams faces varied and you forced yourself not to break down in front of everyone.

Despite their efforts Spence, Emily and Morgan began to cry when they heard the terrible news while Hotch and Rossi remained stoic but their eyes betrayed them. Rossi's eyes held unshed tears and Hotch's eyes glassed over in an attempt to compartmentalise. Beneath that you could see the pain and hurt for not telling him sooner. The silence was soon broken by a voice.

"What aren't you telling us?" You turned your head to see Reid staring intently at you with tear filled eyes.

The question startled you to say the least but you thought that you may as well get the news over with.

"I..I have about s..six months left." You said and you turned to look at Will who straight away hugged you.

Soon you were joined by six more people. And there they all stood in the conference room weeping for the twisted fate their best friend, sister, wife and colleague had.

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You arrived home a few hours later after collecting Henry from his baby sitter. Will carried him up the stairs after he fell asleep in the car on the ride home. As Will laid him down on his bed you kissed his forehead and tucked him in. You could never imagine a life without your son and now you have to.

You and Will ordered takeout after arguing what toppings go on a pizza. (apparently pineapple doesn't) You sat down to watch the movie 'Frozen' which never failed to make you smile. You sat beside Will and leaned into his side and just as you were about to relax you suddenly sat up straight having remembered something.

"What is it Jay?"

"We have to tell Henry."

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**_"Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see." - Douglas Adams._**


	7. Chapter 7

_Previously:_

_"We have to tell Henry."_

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That night you and Will ignored the movie playing as you tried to come up with a suitable thing to tell the blonde haired boy. What could you say? How were you supposed to tell a six year old that in a few months he'll have no mother? How do you tell him that he'll never see you again? Or be there for him when he needs you most? The thoughts swirling around in your head were making you dizzy and it took all of your strength to not get sick.

You and Will eventually fell asleep on the couch and the only thing you remembered was waking up to see someone standing over you. You looked around disorientated until you finally realised that it was Henry standing in front of you. You sat up from your position on the couch where you were lying on Will's chest listening to his heart beating.

"Hey little man!" You exclaimed as you opened your arms to have him jump into them.

"What do you say you wake Daddy and I'll see if we can have pancakes for breakfast?" You whispered knowing that Henry would do anything for pancakes.

"Yeah!" he shouted excitedly as you started to head out to the kitchen to grab the ingredients for pancakes.

"Daddy GET UP!" You heard Henry yell from the other room and you couldn't help but chuckle at the groan that escaped Will's mouth.

A few minutes later Will emerged wearing only his boxer shorts and a t-shirt. You laughed as you saw Henry wrapped around one of his legs. The tired expression plastered on Will's face made the scene even more enjoyable.

You quickly finished preparing the pancakes as Will tried to pry Henry off of his leg so he could get dressed. Henry eventually complied and sat at the table waiting for his pancakes with maple syrup (more like maple syrup with pancakes).

You all sat at the table a few minutes later. You took a few small bites of the pancakes before starting to feel sick so you swapped your plate with Will's empty one while he was busy talking to Henry. You tried not to laugh at his confused expression when he turned back to see his plate full of pancakes. He looked amused as he turned to see you looking completely innocent but the makings of a smile playing on your lips.

Henry was giggling hysterically at the scene in front of him and you finally cracked and started laughing again but it broke your heart to think that you would not get to see Henry grow up. You made eye contact with Will and he seemed to know what you were thinking and both your faces immediately became serious.

"Henry, your momma and I have something very important to tell you so I want you to listen carefully ok?" Will said slowly and continued as he saw you were again very close to tears.

"You remember how momma is very sick and how we went to see Dr. Green?" The little boy continued to nod and his blonde hair which was also identical to his mother's hair bounced on his head.

"Well...you see Henry your momma is very sick and...um it turns out that she will have to go to h..heaven in a few months."

You will never un-see the expression on your sons face. His blue eyes which were identical to yours immediately filled with tears.

"Like Jack's mom?"

"L..like Jack's mom." You said trying to keep your emotions at bay.

"I don't want you to go." Henry said in a whisper as tears rolled down his cheeks leaving a trail behind.

"I know baby." You said as he rushed over to hug you probably having been told by Jack that people can't leave heaven. The boys have become close over the past few weeks and you find yourself being thankful that Jack told Henry it.

"I know baby." You said again as all three of you began to cry. You rubbed Henry's back reassuringly while also trying to reassure yourself that it was all going to be ok in the end.

_"I know."_


End file.
